Happy Birthday, Katherine!

Katherine's birthday was on a Wednesday this year, and she celebrated heartily for several days in a row. 

She made herself two birthday cakes, a chocolate roulade to share with our lunch company (who needed a gluten free option) and an Apple Torte Blackforest Style (a recipe shared by German colleagues) to take to share with the youth group. Thankfully, she saved a couple of pieces of the Apple Torte for her parents :)

Katherine, our creative Enneagram 4, always finds ways to make her surroundings beautiful, whether she is painting or baking or doodling on her biology homework. Her ISFP nature, summed up by the 16Personalities website, shines because "life is a canvas for self expression".

Ikigai and Community

"If I am disconnected from community and isolated, my walk with God gets harder." 

~Marcus Warner, "A Deeper Walk"

I recently got to cheer for several of my string students as they performed in "Bye Bye Birdie" with Red Curtain Theater. So proud of this bunch! Just before the show began, the woman sitting next to me gushed about how her small granddaughter had been welcomed and included by the theater family, despite the granddaughter's inexperience and young age.

 

Katherine and I continue to chip away at "sewing school" with my mom. I'm really grateful for her investment of time, energy, and patience. We've had all sorts of sweet conversations as we picked out seams and talked about our spiritual walks and ironed and made quick trips to Hobby Lobby for the things we forgot to buy earlier.

As the bush beans wane in the summer heat, my long beans are taking off. Soon we will have these reminders of the Solomon Islands on our plates. I'm surprised at how much joy my little garden brings me. I've been thinking about Ikigai lately, a term I learned at some of my professional development. It's a Japanese term that goes beyond answering the question of what gets you up each morning. The term encompasses "the intersection of passion, talent, and benefit to others", and finding a diagram with overlapping spheres to determine one's own ikigai is easy. Information about this way to approach life abounds and encourages me to be intentional about how I spend my time and energy to build my community.

Day 5 of 40

"If you focus on how you were victimized, you brain will immediately shift into survival mode. You'll be on edge, constantly watching for threats to your security, connection, and sense of control. You'll eventually get angry, bitter, and resentful.... When you choose to see yourself as a willing participant in an adventure -- rather than a victim -- your brain chemistry actually begins to shift. Your mind goes into exploration and learning mode rather than fear.... You're willingly confronting what is ahead as an adventure." ~Joel Malm, Connecting the Dots

Thanks to Aaron's willingness to donate plasma, we were able to get away last weekend and put together a little marriage retreat. The last time we took a few days together, everything went so smoothly. This time, I had many opportunities to practice seeing myself as a "willing participant in an adventure". Our first stop was at Daily Grind Coffee, a creative combo of gym and coffee shop. Then things began to get challenging for me. It's no secret that my husband and I have very different personalities. No matter which personality test we take (and we like ALL of them!), we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. He can flex and thrive seemingly without any effort.

We took a chance on a cheaper Air BnB. Although it had a beautiful vintage silverplated iced tea spoon in the drawer which made me smile, that was the only thing that made me smile about our accommodations. The videos we chose to watch to enrich our time together? Meh. We were left with a bad taste in our mouths about those, too. We didn't sleep well, and it began to look like our time away together was going to be a big letdown. I had to work really hard to go into "exploration and learning mode" and fight disappointment. Because I like to make sure my environment supports flourishing, we always bring our own food to keep our bodies happy and a fan for white noise to encourage good sleep. But nothing was kicking my heart and mind into adventure and trust the Lord mode.

To be continued...

Habits and Goals

We don't make New Year's resolutions around here, but throughout the year we do evaluate our goals and tweak them as needed.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I started listening to another Jon Acuff book, Finish, the same day Aaron sent me this video:

I'm a sucker for learning about what is going on inside our brains. Neuroscience is so fascinating! The personality that God gave each one of us influences how we make and complete goals. 16 Personalities has an abundance of information that applies to how different types of people respond to setting habits and goals, and the website also offers articles, free personality tests, and vocabulary for helping each of us understand ourselves and those around us better.

 

Friday Favorite Five

 

1) This tomato may very well be my new favorite. The Queen of the Night from Baker Creek Seeds is looking good on the vine, and I can't wait to taste it! Our pineapple tomatoes aren't far behind...

2) As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I really appreciate this article. It gives me words to help describe how I'm feeling AND it gives practical tips.

3) Ever since our daughter Sarah introduced me to The Roasted Root a couple of years ago, this website is my new favorite. I just made a big freezer stash of the blueberry banana baked oatmeal cups.

4) Aaron and I went through the marriage training for Prepare Enrich, and their blog supplies so many good resources. Recently, the article "6 Types of Rituals to Maintain in Your Marriage" hit home.

5) If you are looking for some tools to refresh your Jesus and Coffee time, check out Well-Watered Woman!

Looking back

I'm sitting in the Brisbane airport, thinking about the hard, but meaningful last week.  Having all four kids under one roof meant breakfasts spent discussing our personalities through the lens of the Enneagram.  And Benjamin introduced us to the spot-on Enneagram songs (here is Aaron's type if you want to hear a sample).

As a family, we make an incredible team when we use our strengths to complement each other's weaknesses:

Aaron - 5

Joanna - 9

Sarah - 2

Benjamin - 8

Olivia - 3

Katherine - 4

One of our goals was to pack slow and steady, allowing time for Nerf gun wars and coffee breaks so that we could continue to give each other grace and make good decisions.  Amidst the crazy work of packing and weighing suitcases, we made a visit to Murry's Dinner Playhouse for an early birthday present to me.

We finished reading "The Horse and His Boy".  Sarah does great voices, and I had forgotten how much I enjoy hearing her read.

At the end of a very long day of packing we enjoyed celebrating my cousin as he performed his senior piano recital.  These Schalchlins are some of my very favorite people!

Saturday, we got the treat of spending a coffee break with Aaron's brother.  We haven't seen him in four years!

And I can't remember the last time these three were in the same room together, so it was a special Mother's Day gift, too.

These two spunky brothers, still goofing off together.

Still comparing their hair loss (Aaron is definitely winning).

My cousin, Samuel, showed up Saturday afternoon to help us scrape even more paint.  We finished that exhausting day with The Game of Things and a run to Sonic for half-price shakes after 8:00.

So as I'm fighting heavy eyelids here in the airport, remembering to walk on the left side of the aisle, and ordering a flat white on the other side of the world, I'm grateful for the hard things that we've experienced during the packing and moving process.  Those emotions of grief and loss as well as the emotions of joy and the sound of laughter mean that we've put down roots and loved people well. 

Coffee and Calendars

The enemy of your soul and your marriage will whisper this in your ear...:  "You don't have enough."  He will work to convince you that you simply do not have what you need to face the realities of your differences with hope and courage.  He will tempt you to give in and give up.  He will tempt you to run and hide.  He will tempt you to give way to things that you have the power to resist.  He will work to make you feel poor and weak.  And if he can get you to minimize your sin and doubt God's provision, he's got you.  ~Paul Tripp, "What Did You Expect?"

Nowhere are our differences made more visible than when it comes to our weekly "coffee and calendars".  Most weeks we stay at home and make a fresh press of coffee, some weeks we get all fancy and head to a local coffee shop.  When we're planning, Aaron (INTP) is Mr. Flexible and can roll with whatever God throws his way.  On the other hand, I (ESFJ) like to know what to expect and find it hard to step outside of my comfort zone.

We've found this personality website incredibly helpful:

...no one is more enthusiastic and capable of spotting a problem, drilling through the endless factors and details that encompass the issue and developing a unique and viable solution than INTPs.... People who share the INTP personality type aren’t interested in practical, day-to-day activities and maintenance.

ESFJs are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to them are well cared for....Valuing stability and security very highly, ESFJs are eager to preserve the status quo.

So it's a good thing when we can remind each other that together we fill in each other's weaknesses.  And it's an even better thing when we can remind each other that God gives us what we "need to face the realities of [our] differences with hope and courage".

"Encourage one another, and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."  

I Thessalonians 5:11

Aaron and I both feel that it's important for each member of our family to understand how God created him or her as a unique being, with strengths and weaknesses and gifts.  One of the most accurate and fun tools we've found is the Meyers-Briggs personality types.  Aaron found a graphic representing likely stress triggers for each type (aka MBTI stress heads!) and printed each one of our types.  They now have a permanent home on the fridge.

  In addition, "How Each Myers-Briggs Type reacts to stress (and how to help!)" offers a less concise, yet super helpful, summary of things that potentially stress each personality.  As you might imagine, we have six very different personalities living under our roof.  In fact, Aaron and I are exact opposites.   One of the things that sends my head spinning is "disregarding my established rules and regulations", but two of the things that send Benjamin's head spinning are "required planning" and "routine".  It took us a long time to figure out and then talk about how these differences played out in our every day lives, but now I'm so thankful that we did!

I encourage you, whether married or single, house full of kids or just a quiet dog, to learn how God created you and those around you.  This understanding is part of stewarding our relationships.  

"Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.  And the God of love and peace will be with you."  2 Corinthians 13:11