Music and Muscles

Recently, Katherine and I came home from the gym and she wanted to practice a cello sonata with me. Except this time she was on the piano and I was on the cello. Role reversal!

Aaron snuck behind us and took a video while we worked on the Chopin. I love having a gym buddy and a music buddy all rolled up into one amazing daughter.

 

July 2024 Milestones

"Watching one's small humans age and grow up packs a serious punch. It's like being stuck in a dream unable to speak, like being a ghost that can see but not touch, like standing on a huge grate while a storm rains oiled diamonds, like collecting feathers in a storm. Parents in love with their kids are all amnesiacs, trying to remember, trying to cherish moments, ghosts trying to hold the world. Being mortals, having a finite mind when surrounded by joy that is perpetually rolling back into the rear view is like always having something important on the tips of our tongues, something on the tips of our fingers, always slipping away, always ducking our embrace."

~N.D. Wilson, "Death by Living"

Sarah has been serving as a nanny. Recently she and her small one each drew a picture of their families. When she sent us this photo, I felt joy intermingled with grief. Joy in observing the crayon rendering of such valuable relationships, joy in remembering so many sweet years of building those relationships, joy in watching my children grow into young adults and flourish. At the same time, I experience grief that my favorite people no longer live under my roof, grief that we no longer share daily mundane tasks, grief that their songs no longer float through the rooms.

In July, we hosted Olivia's bachelorette party. All these lovely ladies spent the weekend under our roof, and Sarah coordinated memory-making activities for this group that will help keep Olivia accountable and encouraged throughout her marriage to Connor.

The special weekend also fell on Sarah's 25th birthday. She insisted that we not celebrate because the time was to be focused on Olivia, but we didn't listen to her! Katherine made a beautiful tiramisu, and we surprised Sarah with a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday to You".

Back to School

 

As students of all ages go back to school, I'm finding and utilizing beautiful resources like "Praying the Word When Your Kids Go Back to School" and "Bible Verses for College Students and Their Families".  Plus a whole bunch of printable prayer pages covering a variety of topics.

Growing Up

I remember wondering if this child would make it to adulthood.  Olivia is the one who has given us the most adventure in parenting.  And the most laughter, too.  When we only had three little one running around, we called them "mild" (Sarah), "medium" (Benjamin), and "hot" (Olivia).

We've had many clashes of our wills and parenting fails (like the infamous "I won't eat black beans" fiasco), but once she gave her life to Jesus, the sanctification process became so very obvious and steady in her life.  Earlier this week, Olivia began feeling pretty rotten.  She immediately began the dreaded, but regular, regimen of gargling with apple cider vinegar.  She made wise choices about what to put in her body, how much to rest, and how much to push her mind and body.

I saw so much maturity in the way she handled her sickness, even as she cried and felt rotten.  I don't know if having her two older siblings leave home has been the impetus for Olivia blossoming, or if fifteen has just been the magic age for her.  The ladies in our classes at the gym love her and can't believe she is only fifteen.  Olivia is picking up the mantle of womanhood, and it is such a joy to watch some of the seeds of tough parenting years begin to yield sweet fruit.

Friday Favorite Five

1)  Candace Cameron Bure has a beautiful new line of clothes and jewelry with scripture on them.  Focusing on kindness, these items help bring my mind back to things that are noble, true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8).

2) As Aaron and I find ourselves in our mid-40s, we are working hard to be good stewards of our resources, including our bodies.  This article was a good reminder of some things we can be doing as we seek physical health, in addition to taking care of our spiritual, mental, and emotional health.

3)  I'm falling in love with Edward Elgar's music all over again.  His cello concerto, his Serenade for Strings, and a new one to me, "The Dream of Gerontius", which I think we'll be keeping on repeat during Lent.  Elgar (and his moustache) is a keeper.  He obviously loved cellos.

4)  Watching my kids unleash their creativity.  Even when it means messes are sure to follow.  Being a "yes mama" is something I'm still working on, even on kid #4.

5)  These quick and easy make-ahead breakfast recipes.  Eating a good breakfast together as a family each morning starts our day off right with nourishment for our bodies, souls, and minds.

In his writing to the Colossians, Paul mentions Epaphras, a colleague who was "always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured" (4:12).  Many of us in leadership roles and positions overemphasize the power of our public work of teaching, planning, preaching, organizing, counseling, and so on, and we underemphasize the power of our quiet work of simply praying.  I'm not so much talking about circumstantial prayers where we ask God to somehow change something in our situation or in others', but about soul prayers where we focus our attention on what's happening in a person's heart, or what's happening in his or her relationship with Jesus and with others.  ~Alan Fadling

These four.  We anticipate them being spread across three continents soon.  They are growing and making good choices, and I'm so proud of them.  My leadership role right now only influences a small sphere:  my home.  But it does include the more public work of teaching, planning organizing, counseling, and "so on".  The foundational work of quietly praying for the treasures that God has given us moves forward, even when all four are no longer underneath our roof.   As Aaron and I launch them into the world, we echo Paul's words that our children may "stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured."  I've recently looked for some new resources to revive my prayers.  

With three teenagers, "10 Ways to Pray for Your Teenagers" certainly fits my stage of life right now (and iMom always has meaningful and beautiful printables for every age and stage).  Another good option is "12 Powerful Verses to Pray and Pour Over Our Children" from Club 31 Woman (you can't go wrong with "a passion for husband, home, and family").  And if you like a little bit more structure, "A Parent's Daily Prayer Guide" will help provide the scaffolding.

Christmas Candlelight

Aaron and I treasure the Christmas Candlelight performances from our college days.  And we are utterly overwhelmed that Sarah and Benjamin have a similar opportunity at JBU.

One of the hardest things as parents is recognizing gifts in our kids and having the wisdom to steward them well.  Moving overseas left us bereft of musical training opportunities and ensembles for our children.  We are so grateful that the Lord has brought a wealth of understanding and patient mentors and teachers and ensembles into each of our children's lives to help make up for those "lost" years.

Sarah's solo was lovely, she sang in two ensembles (that's a story for another blog post).  Benjamin played viola in the chamber orchestra and sang in two ensembles as well.  They both had a host of friends and cheerleaders (including Sarah's incredible roommate whom we love so much) in the audience.  The service was worshipful and beautiful.

Most programs like this end with Silent Night.  This particular tradition follows the candlelit Silent Night with "Fairest Lord Jesus".  

Beautiful Savior! Lord of all the nations!
Son of God and Son of Man!
Glory and honor, praise, adoration,
Now and forever more be Thine.

And afterward, when our college kids were partying with JBU's School of Music, the rest of us partied at Braum's (why don't we have one of these in our hometown?!?) and enjoyed their Christmas milkshakes.  The gingerbread is my personal favorite!

Fall Break

Fall Break began in the airport Saturday afternoon when all six of us were finally reunited.  Goofy and sweet.  That's us!  Aaron had traveled more than 19,000 miles, and we were all just ready to get home, make a pot of coffee, and catch up.

And wash lots of clothes.  With two college students and an internationally traveling husband all returning at the same time, this mama was happy keeping the washer and dryer going while the crockpot made the house smell good.  My heart was overflowing:  my favorite people under my roof and I had the opportunity to serve them.

Sunday morning, I sat in church with Sarah and Benjamin on one side of me and Aaron and the girls on the other side.  Oh, how I love singing together with all six of us mixing and matching harmonies as we worship.  Sunday afternoon, we loaded up the van and headed up the road to a state park we had never visited before:  Crowley's Ridge State Park

With all of the rain and clouds and our late departure, we opted for a quick walk around the lake where our cabin was located.  The water's surface mirrored the gray sky, but occasionally a fish or a turtle or a beaver would break the surface of the water.

We even found honeysuckle blooming!  Of course, we had to try it.  We also found that as the sky grew darker, we could see less and less of where we were going.  And the trail disappeared.  So we trudged through the marshy area around the lake before Aaron was suddenly up to his knees in water.  Then we decided that maybe it was a good idea to turn around and go back.  And the guys rescued us by literally running back to the cabin and getting the van so we could warm our numb fingers and toes.

Tuesday morning, we watched some more of our old family videos recently converted to digital format.  What fun to watch Sarah and Benjamin as teeny tiny ones and to discover that their personalities were still very much the same!  One of the highlights of the trip for me was listening to my college students singing harmony in the bathroom as they prepared for the day.  They introduced me to Skillet's song "Stars":

If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars

The rain began picking up as we approached the "Dancing Rabbit Trail", but we REALLY wanted to tackle it, so a couple of the kids went without shoes, and we decided to go as far as the suspension bridge.  I'm so glad we did!

The warm, dry van welcomed us, and as we began the drive back home, I looked for a place that could give us just a little bit more of an afternoon fika.  We were delighted to find Kibo Midnight Oil located in a super cute old house in Searcy.

Then real life kicked in again with heading to the gym and dentist's appointments and piano lessons and before we knew it, these amazing college students were driving away again.  I am so proud of them and the choices they are making as they become more and more independent.  It is always a joy for the six of us to be together.

Friday Favorite Five

Music to accompany today's Friday Favorite Five is something I've found myself humming a lot lately, Let the Words of My Mouth Bring You Praise.

1)  Velvet Ashes.  A ministry dedicated for women serving overseas.  It's beautiful.  Encouraging.  Challenging.

2)  Cinnamon Roasted Almonds and Cocoa Dusted Almonds.  I know Walmart gets a bad rap, but, y'all, a little handful of either one of these just makes me happy.  They will definitely be going in the suitcase as a treat to take back to the Solomon Islands in a few months.

3)  Ten Questions that Every Expat (or Repat) Parent Should Ask About Their Kids.  This is a great list of questions for any parent, even if they don't have Third Culture Kids, and it's a good idea to ask your kids these questions directly, after you've had a chance to think.

4)  Six Exercises Everyone Should Do.   Simple yet powerful, these exercises are going in my "bag of tricks" to solidify now so I can take them back to the Solomon Islands.  And as soon as I can get one of those big stability balls, I'm adding this plank workout, too.  Although I'm not sure I can climb as quickly as their rate of difficulty, so I'll probably stretch out the fourteen days.  Progress over perfection - good stewardship is the goal!

5)  Free prayer printables from iMom.  I especially love the "10 Mom Prayers" (it's on my bathroom mirror), I pray them for my husband, too.

Fabulous Frittata

When Sarah went away to college, and I began working full-time outside the home, I quickly realized I hadn't done a good job of training my youngest two children in several different skills - especially cooking.  Now we are working as a family to equip each individual with what he or she needs to thrive. 

One of the things that Aaron and I need to thrive is time to exercise in the mornings.  It's good for our bodies, and it's also good for our marriage.  This gives our younger two the perfect opportunity to hone their cooking skills, and, at least this summer, our older two kids are there to help troubleshoot.

Enter the fabulous frittata.  Quick.  Easy.  Delicious.  Healthy.  Win.

Fabulous Frittata

6 servings

8 eggs

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese (2 oz.)

2 Tbsp butter

2 medium bell peppers, chopped (2 cups)

1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)

3 garlic cloves, pressed

Beat eggs, salt, and pepper in medium bowl with whisk until well mixed.  Stir in cheese and set aside.  Heat oil in a 10" skillet (one that can go in the oven!).  Cook peppers, onion, and garlic until tender.  Pour egg over peppers and onions.  Cover and cook 8-10 minutes or until set.

Uncover and place under broiler until golden brown.  

We enjoyed ours with zucchini bread, coffee, and fruit here at the Choate B&B, and my somewhat scattered meal plan includes this yummy recipe just about every week.

"Laura stopped, aghast.  Suddenly she had realized what she was doing.  Ma must have hidden this book.  Laura had no right to read it.  Quickly she shut her eyes, and then she shut the book.  It was almost more than she could do, not to read just one word more, just to the end of that one line.  But she knew that she must not yield one tiny bit of temptation."   ~Laura Ingalls Wilder, "Little Town on the Prairie"

Katherine and I are working our way through the Little House books at a snail's pace.  We took a break to enjoy Elizabeth Enright's Melendy Quartet, but now we back to loving Laura, Ma, and Pa.  Recently, we came across the chapter where Laura is helping pack up the house when she discovers a hidden book wrapped in winter clothes in a drawer.  I paused as I read aloud to Katherine and asked her if she knew why it was so important that Laura chose to not yield to temptation, even in something as minute as finishing a line of text in a book.

That ten-year-old of mine, she knew right away.  Knew that if you practice self control when you think it doesn't really matter, those "insignificant" choices build muscle memory just like practicing scales on the piano.  Then you are strong to make wise choices and exercise your self control later in life.  We moved on from the teachable moment, snuggled deeper into the chair, and finished the chapter, but reading together opened the door for that brief, meaningful conversation.  As if I needed one more reason to love books.

"The character of any person's life is not shaped by two or three grand, big moments of life.  A person's character is formed in ten thousand little mundane moments of everyday life.  It's the character that is formed in those little moments of life that determines how you think and respond in the few big moments of life that you encounter."   ~Paul David Trip, "New Morning Mercies"

Blossoming

Yesterday morning, I was reading history to Katherine and all of the sudden I just wanted time to stand still.  I asked her to freeze while I fumbled for the phone to snap a quick picture.  I didn't want to forget the sweet time together.  I'm grateful for the Educational Resource Center that gives us a place to practice keyboard skills and provides things likes books and globes and math manipulatives.  Most of all, I'm thankful that I get the time with my children who are growing and blossoming like strong healthy flowers.

Maybe the flower analogy doesn't work as well for Benjamin, but he is certainly maturing in every way.  A survey team from Papua New Guinea came to join two of our own SITAG guys for a 2 1/2 week trip around the weather coast of Guadalcanal for a Talise language survey.  The SITAG young men were invited to ride in the truck to take the survey team out to their starting point, two hours up the road.  The team was surprised that all of SITAG came out to tell them goodbye.  That's what happens when you live in a tiny branch - we get to support each other because we are the only ones around to cheer and encourage.

Please pray for:

- Good weather/calm seas and safe travel

- Protection of the families while the dads are away

- Understanding and cooperation in the villages the team visits to collect language data

- A growing understanding and interest in Bible translation/literacy and that educated people can be found to become involved in Bible translation

We're so grateful for this team and for their willingness to live "bush true" for the next several weeks as they do language research.  Benjamin and the other teens bumped along in the truck and enjoyed every minute of it.

We missed this boy-growing-into-a man.  Our house was quiet and without some of its joy while Benjamin was gone.  We did have some extras join us for supper, which we enjoyed immensely! 

But this mama's heart sang when Benjamin got home around eight and scarfed down the food we had saved for him.

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”       ~ Catherine M. Wallace

Quiet

This space will be quiet for a while since we are moving from the Solomon Islands to America for an undetermined amount of time to have Sarah's heart checked out.  Last time we transitioned to our passport culture, we learned some good tips at our Wycliffe re-entry program.  We're being intentional about implementing some of them this time:

1) Go through transition with people who experiencing similar circumstances.  We are traveling with another SITAG family who has children about the same ages as ours.  This will give us people to engage in conversation who understand exactly what we are thinking and feeling.  Especially important for our Third Culture Kids!  And because several of you have asked...

What are the Characteristics of TCKs?

There are different characteristics that impact the typical Third Culture Kid:

• TCKs are 4 times as likely as non-TCKs to earn a bachelor's degree (81% vs 21%)
• 40% earn an advanced degree (as compared to 5% of the non-TCK population.)
• 45% of TCKs attended 3 universities before earning a degree.
• 44% earned undergraduate degree after the age of 22.
• Educators, medicine, professional positions, and self employment are the most common professions for TCKs.
• TCKs are unlikely to work for big business, government, or follow their parents' career choices. "One won't find many TCKs in large corporations. Nor are there many in government ... they have not followed in parental footsteps".
• 90% feel "out of sync" with their peers.
• 90% report feeling as if they understand other cultures/peoples better than the average American.
• 80% believe they can get along with anybody.
• Divorce rates among TCKs are lower than the general population, but they marry older (25+).
  • Military brats, however, tend to marry earlier.
• Linguistically adept (not as true for military ATCKs.)
  • A study whose subjects were all "career military brats"—those who had a parent in the military from birth through high school—shows that brats are linguistically adept.
• Teenage TCKs are more mature than non-TCKs, but ironically take longer to "grow up" in their 20s.
• More welcoming of others into their community.
• Lack a sense of "where home is" but often nationalistic.
• Depression and suicide are more prominent among TCK's.
• Some studies show a desire to "settle down" others a "restlessness to move".

2) Position yourself to maximize resources on your return to your passport country.  We are intentionally staying in Dallas for a few days so we can take advantage of Wycliffe's central hub for Bible translation there.  Our supervisors are there, financial advisors are there, fellow colleagues are there - we should be able to have all of our questions answered in one place.  We can also remind ourselves of what it's like to drive on the right hand side of the road and to shop for groceries in America in relative anonymity!

3) Don't forget to have fun as a family in the midst of the chaos of transition.  We will be playing a lot in the next week, making memories together while we still have each of our precious children at home, and easing the heart ache of saying goodbye to so many people and places that we know and love.

We really appreciate the grace that we know will be extended to us while we make the transition back to America for a while.  If we forget to look you in the eyes while chatting, just know that in the Melanesian context, one doesn't make eye contact.  Our clothes may not always match, either.  But when you've lived in a village and learned to recognize your friends by the few clothes they own, a full closet ceases to be important.  We're looking forward to hugging lots of necks and enjoying the good things that God places in our path!

These are a few of my favorite things...

-signs that indicate we are packing and sorting for our departure THREE WEEKS from today

-Kids Bowl Free (we just signed up!)

-encouragement for my Third Culture Kids and an article about transition written by a TCK

-Beautiful ribbon bookmark from Edi that brings color and joy into our lives

-this great tool for Living Out the Five Love Languages at Home

Broken

Since our return to the Solomons almost two years ago, Aaron and I have learned a lot about relationships through watching other people and especially as we've worked through relationships with our children and with each other.  Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Broken" reminded me that the first half of the equation was remembering that each of us are broken & imperfect:

The first waffle out of our stove top waffle maker
always fall apart

"We don't have to pretend about it
We don't have to keep acting like we're all okay
If we lift our lives to the cross
We'll see some reality

That we're all broken
And we all have a Savior"

But I think a bigger piece of that equation is that Satan loves to destroy our relationship with the Lord.  And what better way to do that than to break our relationship with other people?

Aaron's Easter Egg, he redeemed the brokenness and
made a Venn diagram on his egg!

When my relationship with Aaron isn't going smoothly, I have to remind myself that my true fight isn't against my husband.  It's against the destroyer, the enemy.

"Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me.  Take up shield and buckler; arise and come to my aid.  Brandish spear and javelin against those who pursue me.  Say to my soul, 'I am your salvation.'"  Psalm 35:1-3



Katherine's special necklace from the village,
broken the first day we returned to Honiara

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  Ephesians 6:12

"What if this battle...isn't the curse we've always thought it to be?  What if it's actually the very thing, if brought under control, that can lead us to a better understanding of God?  What if we could actually get to the place where we thanked God for letting us face this battle because of the rich treasures we discovered on the battlefield?"  ~Lisa TerKerust



Plastic breaks easily here in
the hot and humid tropics

When I'm frustrated with one of my kids, I have to stop and remind myself, "My kids aren't the enemy.  Satan is the enemy."  That thought changes my whole perspective.  Instead of fighting against somebody I love, I appeal to God to help me fight against the true enemy.  I become the Good Samaritan, the "Hurt Healer" instead of one of the "bad guys" hiding beside the road who actually aids the enemy in the battle. 

"Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless.  With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies."  Psalm 60:11-12

Together...



"The family that prays together, stays together."

So true.  But we've also found this to be true:  "The family that plays together, stays together."



And although "The family that cooks together, stays together," 



isn't rhyming or catchy,



it works for our family.



No matter where we live, cooking anchors family traditions for us.





Spending time in the kitchen is one more cord to draw us closer together.



Amid the constant chaos and transition, we're thankful for every little thing that God uses to make the Choate Team stronger.