Purim

This year we celebrated Purim early because I was going out of town. Katherine met me after school and we joined up with one of my favorite preschoolers to introduce Hamantaschen to her family. Making and eating cookies is always more fun together.

Sweet Lenten Sabbath

"Orr emotions are a window into what our hearts really love. The rise and fall of your feelings function as a barometer to what you truly value and want out of life. Your joy, sadness, fear, anger, happiness, despondency, contentment, discouragement, rejoicing, and inner grumbling can point you to what is ruling your heart at street level." ~Paul David Trip, "Journey to the Cross"

The above quote stopped me in my tracks as I pondered where I find my joy. Certainly, I love picking fresh bouquets from our yard and sharing them with people in my community. I find one of the best ways to determine where my idols are hiding is to look for the things that promote my "inner grumbling". Oh, there are so many. They are the things where I'm tempted to find comfort and security and peace instead of letting my Sovereign God handle the details.

 

An Offering to the World

If our personal stories aren't seen from the perspective of being an offering to the world, they can become a form of self-indulgence. They can become all about us, rather than about Christ's redemption. They'll get us stuck in a small circle of focusing on ourselves. The circles of our lives should push us outward, out of our self-focus and into the world at large. The more your story shifts towards doing whatever it takes to help others on their journey, the more it will come full circle and bring a sense of purpose. You shift from "Look at me, look at me!" to "Look at what God did in me and what He can do in you, too!" 

~Joel Malm, Connecting the Dots: What God is Doing When Life Doesn't Make Sense

I'm so grateful for my many opportunities to do "whatever it takes to help others on their journey". The first part of March brought my usual cello coaching (and an extra one, too, more on that soon!)

A birthday party for my nephew, Elijah.

Girl Scouts who did not have to twist my arm to buy cookies.

Next-door neighbors who utilized their resources to help us take down a very tall pine tree that leaned toward our house. For free.

My last home-schooled student who is becoming more and more independent and likes to read literature by the firepit in the evenings.

 

Another Musical in Dallas

Once again, Sarah performed in a musical with Family Music Theater in Dallas. We took her a fragrant bouquet from our yard.

Hannah met us Friday night, and we enjoyed a relaxed evening of teaching her how to play 42, one of our favorite games.

Katherine still needed to finish reading the last act of Shakespeare's "The Tempest", and she had the foresight to bring extra copies. The four of us each read different characters aloud with fun voices. One of my favorite books of Shakespeare's plays is this beautifully illustrated by Alice and Martin Provensen.

Saturday morning my precious friend Roxanne made space in her busy weekend to go for a walk together. I miss our regular "walky-talky" times together in the Solomon Islands.

After the walk, we hosted a brunch for Aaron's folks who had attended the performance on Friday night. Sarah and one of her housemates came, too. We borrowed Sarah's iron skillet to make some frittatas. The time together was an unexpected treat!

We attended the matinee of "Anastasia", since I still don't do very well with late nights. As always, our Gebauer friends were also on stage. What a joy to have so many years of performing with them on both sides of the world.

Connor and Olivia met us at the house after the performance, they had attended another performance with Connor's brother on stage just the night before in Oklahoma. I'm so grateful that our crew is willing to take the time and effort to root for each other and to be together as much as our schedules allow. The newlyweds attended the closing performance on Saturday night.

We all went to church with Sarah on Sunday morning, then she graciously fed us lunch before we all needed to part ways again. We packed a lot of laughter and catching up into just a few hours!

 

Dance Party

Recently, my phone rang while I was at the gym. The day ahead was one of those days where almost every minute had been planned, and we were leaving the next morning for a road trip. My cousin's wife was calling to see if they could come for a visit. We tossed suggested times back and forth like a tennis ball until we landed on supper together, because that fit both of our schedules. 

A pot of soup and some half-priced bags of salad made a feast. We played with Duplo, swang on the porch, danced to my cousin's piano music, and held deep discussions about New Testament Greek. 

This family is such a joy! Two little ones and another one on the way. And we would have missed this dance party if I had stuck to my well-planned schedule instead of listening.

 

Spring and Community

The suddenly Spring weather is providing opportunities for connecting with my community outside. It's so nice to be able to say, "Hey, could you meet me for a walk on your lunch break?". My friend Rachel, who used to lead group fitness classes at the gym, made space in her day for a walk on Stone Dam Creek Trail. She is the one who coordinated my gym buddies to give towards a huge Visa gift card when I was diagnosed with cancer. That card made the first payment towards the many scans and surgeries and treatments, and their support encouraged and strengthened me each step of the journey.

The first bouquet of the year went to Grandma. She also has a little more pep in her step now that the weather is nicer. I love walking around Lake Conway with her on my weekly visits.

My little buddies have also enjoyed getting outside more. Lauren's kiddos bring such joy to everyone who interacts with them.

If I ever need hugs or kisses or a good laugh, this little guy always comes to my rescue. 

Health Update

My nine-month checkups consisted of a CT scan, bloodwork, meeting with my oncologist, and a SOZO scan with a lymphedema specialist. I love how thorough CARTI is with the cancer recovery process.

Everything came back clear, and I'm still on track to have checkups and scans every three months for the first two years after chemo finished. I'm so grateful for all of the prayers and encouragement my community continues to give me!

 

On my Bookshelf

When I drive to Grandma's house or to pick up raw milk, I like to listen to a book. I just finished Brene Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection", and now I want to buy a hard copy so I can go back, take notes, and ponder what she wrote.

When I sit in waiting rooms or in my lymphedema machine, that's my time for reading. I'm slowly working my way through the very thick, "Outlive" by Peter Attia. His website and podcasts cover a wealth of health topics.

New Faces

 See those two faces on the screen? Those are the two twenty-something-year-old Lavukal students who live in Honiara while they study. When they are in town, they have access to the internet, so Aaron has set up a weekly meeting with them.

They are practicing "back translation" on the already completed books of the Lavukal Bible, and this regular time together is helping pave the way for working together when Aaron goes to the Solomon Islands next week.

Marriage Monday - Day 7 of 40

"If you get married as Jacob did, putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush him or her with your expectations. It will distort your life and your spouse's life in a hundred ways. No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs. You are going to think you have gone to bed with Rachel, and you will get up and it will always be Leah. This cosmic disappointment and disillusionment is there in all of life, but we especially feel it in the things upon which we most set our hopes." 

~Tim Keller, Counterfeit Gods

The last day of our little getaway made up for the dismal beginning. Brunch at PJ's Rainbow Cafe gave Aaron the opportunity to try their famous "omwich". Fueled by delicious down-home cooking and lots of God given grace for each other, we drove north to find some hiking spots.

Once again, we quickly hit a roadblock. The trails we intended to explore were closed. And we had no phone signal to look for other trails. But we were somewhat familiar with the area, so we kept driving to the beautiful Gunnar Pool Recreation Area. 

What a gem! The little park is hidden several miles off the main road, with primitive camping sites and clean pit toilets. We joined the North Sylamore Creek Trail and decided to hike for an hour before we turned around and came back.

I'm so thankful we didn't crumple when our first plans fell through, or we would have missed this stunning opportunity. Growing up in central Arkansas, ice and snow are infrequent visitors. The granite cliffs along the creek dripped with icicles. The water was clear and cold. And the whole thing took our breath away.

I was reminded that one of the things I love about our marriage is that we don't quit when things get hard. We've built an atmosphere of trust. Between the two of us, our personalities hit all five of the "secrets" to better communication: stay connected on the mundane stuff, be curious, create emotional safety, get uncomfortable, be intentional when you need to.

I would add that having a sense of humor/playing together is a big part of the glue that holds a couple together. Aaron does this extremely well. On this trip it looked like ballerina twirling across a rickety bridge that we crossed one at a time (just in case!).

We drove home refreshed and ready to tackle the next few busy weeks leading up to Aaron's departure for the Solomon Islands. I'm so grateful for God's gift of my husband, even when we hit the unexpected potholes of life, because our Saviour is always up to something good.

 

Sweet Lenten Sabbath

"Idols never just disappoint us; they addict us as well.... What we tightly hold onto takes hold of us, now commanding of us what only God should ever command: our hearts. And what holds our hearts will dictate our words and behavior." ~Paul David Tripp, Journey to the Cross

I've been thinking a lot about idols lately. About what holds my heart. About what I expect to satisfy me. And I'm asking the Lord to gently pry my fingers off. Again.

Day 6 of 40

"God graciously uses community to expose our sin and to invite us to believe the gospel and allow it to work change more deeply into our attitudes, motives, words, and actions." 

~ Robert H. Thune & Will Walker, The Gospel Centered Community

Marriage is a type of community. Certainly, marriage is one of the tools God wields to faithfully shine light on my unbelief and to patiently draw my heart back towards him and towards my husband. On Saturday morning, we drove to the White River Bluff Loop for a hike. 

We weren't expecting several inches of cold wet snow to be covering the trail, but we also didn't anticipate the cold distance between us. This perspective of the White River delighted me, especially because we floated down this river last summer for my birthday. Unfortunately, I was distracted by trying to figure out what was coming in between us, and I struggled to appreciate God's beautiful creation.

I have never seen a live armadillo, and this little guy was enjoying an "all you can eat buffet" of some critters exposed by the melting snow. Mr. Armadillo had no intentions of letting us interrupt him from his feast, so we just gave him a wide berth.

After we finished the hike, chilly in too many ways, we sat in the van for an hour and spilled our hearts. We talked about our differences. We took the time to listen. We appreciated each other's strengths. We refused to let our hearts stay cold toward each other. Reconnecting wasn't easy. And it took longer than I wanted it to take. But we have a history of trust. Of fighting together. We know we are better and stronger and more resilient together. And we know our Savior is up to something good as He works in our marriage.

Day 5 of 40

"If you focus on how you were victimized, you brain will immediately shift into survival mode. You'll be on edge, constantly watching for threats to your security, connection, and sense of control. You'll eventually get angry, bitter, and resentful.... When you choose to see yourself as a willing participant in an adventure -- rather than a victim -- your brain chemistry actually begins to shift. Your mind goes into exploration and learning mode rather than fear.... You're willingly confronting what is ahead as an adventure." ~Joel Malm, Connecting the Dots

Thanks to Aaron's willingness to donate plasma, we were able to get away last weekend and put together a little marriage retreat. The last time we took a few days together, everything went so smoothly. This time, I had many opportunities to practice seeing myself as a "willing participant in an adventure". Our first stop was at Daily Grind Coffee, a creative combo of gym and coffee shop. Then things began to get challenging for me. It's no secret that my husband and I have very different personalities. No matter which personality test we take (and we like ALL of them!), we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. He can flex and thrive seemingly without any effort.

We took a chance on a cheaper Air BnB. Although it had a beautiful vintage silverplated iced tea spoon in the drawer which made me smile, that was the only thing that made me smile about our accommodations. The videos we chose to watch to enrich our time together? Meh. We were left with a bad taste in our mouths about those, too. We didn't sleep well, and it began to look like our time away together was going to be a big letdown. I had to work really hard to go into "exploration and learning mode" and fight disappointment. Because I like to make sure my environment supports flourishing, we always bring our own food to keep our bodies happy and a fan for white noise to encourage good sleep. But nothing was kicking my heart and mind into adventure and trust the Lord mode.

To be continued...